1. Sex, Intimacy and Relationships

2. Coming out

3. Impact of being closeted on mental health

4. Embracing my Bisexuality

Sex, Intimacy and Relationships in Queer community

Sex, intimacy, and relationships are important aspects of life for all individuals, regardless of their sexual orientation or gender identity. However, for members of the LGBTQ+ community, these topics can be particularly complex and nuanced. From navigating societal stigma to finding safe spaces to explore their sexuality, LGBTQ+ individuals face unique challenges when it comes to sex and relationships. In this blog, we'll explore some of these challenges, as well as the ways in which LGBTQ+ people have redefined and expanded traditional notions of sex and intimacy.

First, let's take a look at some statistics. According to ILGA's 2022 annual report by the National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs, LGBTQ+ individuals experience higher rates of sexual violence than their heterosexual and cisgender counterparts. Additionally, a 2019 study by the Trevor Project found that 39% of LGBTQ+ youth had seriously considered attempting suicide in the past year, with a lack of support from family and friends being a major contributing factor. These statistics highlight the need for greater support and resources for LGBTQ+ individuals when it comes to sex, intimacy, and relationships.

But despite these challenges, LGBTQ+ people have also redefined and expanded traditional notions of sex and intimacy. Queer culture has a long history of challenging heteronormative ideas about sexuality, and this has led to a wide range of sexual and romantic expressions within the community. From polyamory to kink to non-binary gender identities, LGBTQ+ people have created a rich and diverse landscape of sexual and romantic possibilities.

One of the most important aspects of LGBTQ+ sex and relationships is consent. Because many LGBTQ+ individuals have experienced discrimination and violence based on their identity, consent takes on an even greater importance. LGBTQ+ people have developed a culture of enthusiastic consent, where partners actively communicate their desires and boundaries in order to create safe and pleasurable sexual experiences.

Another important aspect of LGBTQ+ sex and relationships is the concept of chosen family. Many LGBTQ+ individuals have been rejected by their biological families, and as a result, have created their own support networks of friends and partners. These chosen families often provide a sense of belonging and acceptance that can be difficult to find elsewhere.

Of course, LGBTQ+ sex and relationships aren't always easy. Dating as an LGBTQ+ person can be challenging, particularly in areas where there are few visible queer communities. Additionally, LGBTQ+ individuals often face discrimination and harassment when trying to access healthcare, including sexual health services.

But despite these challenges, LGBTQ+ people continue to redefine and expand traditional notions of sex, intimacy and relationships. From the rise of queer porn to the popularity of drag culture, LGBTQ+ individuals have created a vibrant and diverse sexual and romantic landscape. By celebrating this diversity and working to create safer and more supportive environments for LGBTQ+ individuals, we can help ensure that everyone has access to fulfilling and pleasurable sex, intimacy and relationships.

Saquib Ahmad 20/06/23

#fightingfearcommunity #lgbtq #mentalhealth #sex #intimacy #relationships #queer #queersex #queerrelationships

Coming out

Coming out as a LGBTQ+ person, firstly, it's not an easy thing to do for anyone, and it can be especially difficult for those of us who come from certain communities or communities that hold certain anti-queer beliefs. But it's important to remember that we are not alone, and that there is support out there for us.

Firstly, let's talk about the difficulties of coming out. It can be scary to reveal such a personal aspect of ourselves to others, and the fear

of rejection can be overwhelming. It's important to remember that we can't control how others react, but we can control how we react to their reactions. It's also important to remember that coming out is a process, and it doesn't have to happen all at once. Take your time, and do it on your own terms. There is no one way to do this. Sometimes you may have to do it several times as people may be used to knowing you as straight or a particular gender. 

Now, let's talk about the mental health implications of not coming out. Living a closeted life can lead to internalised homophobia, which is associated with decreased relationship satisfaction and quality, among other issues. It's important to remember that being true to ourselves is essential for our mental health and wellbeing. It's okay to be scared, but it's not okay to live a life that isn't true to who we are. We don't always have to survive, sometimes we can take risks to thrive. 

For those of us who are of a religious backrgound or identity, especially thoes where you have been exposed to queer-phobic narratives of religion, coming out can be even more difficult. We may fear rejection or discrimination from our own communities, and it can be hard to reconcile our identities with our cultural or religious backgrounds. It's important to remember that we are not alone, and that there are others out there who have gone through similar experiences. Seek out support from those who understand, whether it be through online communities or in-person support groups.

These Queer-phobic narratives are not the only narratives that exist about our intersectional communities, there are others and sometimes our closetidness can prevent us from seeking then them out, avoiding them or distortig them.

A good example of this can simply the Sodom and Gomorrah story, the Queer-phobic narrative is that this was a place where people were Gay and having lots of Gay sex and so God punished them. An alternative and more "tolerant" narrative of the same story is that these were people who were raping people, murdering people, stealing from people, and the fabric of society had fully collapsed and so God punished them.

On the ILGA Europe webiste you can find information on various LGBTQ+ organisations across Europe and Central Asia by country, including those who cater for Religious LGBTQ+ people such as Imaan organisation in the UK or Merhaba in Belgium.

Aside from religious or spiritual Queer organisations there are also a number of organisation for people of different ethnic and cultural backgrounds too because LGBTQ+ people make up 20% of every population. You are really not alone!

For those who are not ready to come out but are thinking about it, it's important to remember that you are not alone. It's okay to take your time, and to only come out when you feel ready. Don't be pressured to come out. Sometimes within the Queer community there are those who pressure others to come out when they are not ready. This is 100% wrong and unhelpful. No two people have the same circumstances, irrespective of their similarities, and just because one person was able to come out in a particular way does not mean the other will be able to have the same experience.

It's ok to seek out support from others who have gone through similar experiences, and remember that there is no right or wrong way to come out. There is also lots of literature on these topics too, so read and don't avoid. Social media is full of accounts that can support this e.g. @notdefining , @letstalkaboutnonbinary or @safespacevids to name a few. 

Finally, let's talk about the importance of humor and wit when it comes to coming out. It's okay to be serious, but it's also okay to laugh and find the humor in the situation. Humor can be a powerful tool for coping with difficult situations, and it can also help to break down barriers and stereotypes. Especially when considering coming out to friends or new people such as when starting a new job and coming out to your colleagues. 

In conclusion, coming out as a LGBTQ+ person can be a difficult and scary process, and for some even more difficult due to identity conflicts. But it's important to remember that we are not alone, and that there is support out there for us. Remember to take your time, use humor and wit when appropriate, and seek out support from others who understand. And most importantly, be true to yourself and live a life that is authentic and fulfilling.

Saquib Ahmad 24/06/23 

#fightingfearcommunity #comingout #queer #LGBTQ #queerblog #LGBTQblog #religion #intersectionality #queermuslim #queerchistrian #queerjew #webinar

Also check out our upcomg webinars on "The coming out Journey" by Yatin Mistry a Queer NLP practitioner and Coach who specialises in working with LGBTQ+ ethnic minorities and supports them to come out as Queer people to live their authentic lives. 

Impact of being closeted on mental health

The mental health implications of being closeted as an LGBTQ+ person have been the subject of recent research studies. One such study, "The Mental Health of Sexual Minority Adults In and Out of the Closet: A Population-Based Study," was conducted on a population based sample of sexual minority adults in the United States. The study found that being closeted was associated with poorer mental health outcomes, including higher levels of psychological distress, depression, and anxiety. The negative mental health effects of being closeted were more pronounced for bisexual individuals compared to gay or lesbian individuals.

Another article proposes an integrated view of openness as leading to both costs and benefits that work in tandem to steer mental health. The study was conducted with nearly 4000 ethnically diverse, sexual minority participants. The authors determine how the relationship between openness about sexual minority status fosters LGBTQ+ identity importance, community integration, and perception of discrimination. Being more open strengthens LGBTQ identity importance, facilitating integration in the LGBTQ+ community, which benefits mental health. However, openness and strengthened identity importance simultaneously prompt increased perceptions of discrimination, the burden of which adversely affects mental health. The authors argue that although there is an overall benefit to being more open, the benefit dampens as greater openness lends itself to a (potentially motivated) heightened awareness of personal and group-based discrimination.

In summary, research studies have found that being closeted as an LGBTQ+ person is associated with poorer mental health outcomes, particularly for bisexual individuals. However, being open about one's sexual minority status can also have both positive and negative effects on mental health, depending on factors such as LGBTQ+ identity importance, community integration, and perception of discrimination. It is important to create a supportive environment for LGBTQ+ individuals to come out and live openly, which can have a positive impact on their mental health.

Saquib Ahmad 26/06/23

#fightingfearcommunity #lgbtq #mentalhealth #inthecloset #queer #comingout

Embracing my Bisexuality

Growing up as a Pakistani Mauritian background individual in the UK, my journey to self-acceptance as a bisexual man was filled with challenges, confusion, and the need to confront internalised biphobia. This blog aims to share my experiences, shed light on the struggles faced by bisexual individuals, and highlight the importance of education, self-discovery, and support in overcoming these obstacles.

Discovering My Bisexuality:
At a very early age I came to the realisation that I was attracted to both boys and girls. It was a profound moment of self-discovery, but it was also accompanied by a wave of uncertainty and fear. I remember smelling the t-shirt of one of my best friends in primary school but also knowing I couldn't tell anyone about this. However my attraction to a girl my school was celebrated and even promoted.

At 18 following an argument with a guy I was seeing at the time on the phone that my mother overheard I mustered up the courage to confide in my mother, hoping for her support and understanding. However, her initial reaction was to suggest counselling, which left me feeling confused and invalidated. Though now I know she was trying in her attempt to provide me support as she did not know what to do.

Struggling with External and Internal Biphobia:
To my dismay, I discovered that biphobia existed not only outside the LGBTQ+ community but also within it. Negative beliefs about Bisexuality and the lack of visibility surrounding it made me question the validity of my own identity. Additionally, the biphobia I encountered from Gay individuals further deepened my self-doubt and internalised biphobia.

A good example of this can simply the Sodom and Gomorrah story, the Queer-phobic narrative is that this was a place where people were Gay and having lots of Gay sex and so God punished them. An alternative and more "tolerant" narrative of the same story is that these were people who were raping people, murdering people, stealing from people, and the fabric of society had fully collapsed and so God punished them.

The Battle Within:
One of the most challenging moments in my journey was when a counsellor dismissed my bisexuality, labelling it as confusion and insisting that I was Gay. This encounter left me feeling invalidated and led me to question the authenticity of my Bisexuality. The battle within myself was intensified, and I felt lost and alone.

Finding Healing and Self-Acceptance:
Amidst the confusion and self-doubt, I turned to various resources for guidance and support. Books, movies, workshops, and further therapy sessions became my refuge, helping me unravel the layers of internalised biphobia and reclaim my authentic self. Through these resources, I discovered stories of other Bisexual individuals, their struggles, and their triumphs. It was through their experiences that I found solace and the strength to embrace my own truth because I saw a place for myself in these representations and not just a phase, confusion or an outright lie.

Education and Visibility:
Education played a vital role in my journey towards self-acceptance. By educating myself about Bisexuality, its history, and the experiences of other Bisexual individuals, I was able to challenge the negative beliefs and stereotypes that had plagued me. I also realised the importance of visibility within the LGBTQ+ community, as well as the need for Bisexual representation in media and society.

Support and Therapy:
Seeking support from understanding friends, online communities, and LGBTQ+ organisations was instrumental in my healing process. Connecting with others who had similar experiences helped me feel less alone and provided a safe space for sharing and growth. Additionally, therapy played a significant role in helping me navigate my internal struggles and find the strength to challenge societal expectations and prejudices.

Living Authentically:
Today, I stand proud as a Bisexual man, having overcome the challenges that once clouded my self-acceptance. By accepting myself internally I was able to validate myself externally. This came in many forms including calling out people’s biphobia, correcting people when they assumed I was straight or Gay. It is crucial to acknowledge that everyone's journey is unique, and the path to self-acceptance may differ for everyone. By sharing my story, I hope to inspire others who may be facing similar struggles, encouraging them to embrace their authentic selves and find solace in the knowledge that they are not alone.

Conclusion:
My journey towards self-acceptance as a bisexual man of Pakistani Mauritian background in the UK was fraught with challenges, including internalised biphobia, lack of visibility, and negative beliefs. However, through education, support, and self-discovery, I was able to overcome these obstacles and live authentically. It is my hope that by sharing my experiences, others may find inspiration, strength, and the courage to embrace their true selves, regardless of societal expectations or prejudices. Remember, you are valid, and your identity deserves to be celebrated.

Saquib Ahmad 10/07/23

#fightingfearcommunity #bisexual #mentalhealth #bisexuality #biphobia #internalisedbiphobia